为简历而活,还是为悼词而活?


整理/胡雪妮

编 者按:我们有两个相互斗争的自我:渴望世俗成功、雄心勃勃,促使我们成就业绩的自我,以及那个渴望“不仅要做好事,还要成为好人,为朋友们所铭记”的自 我。我们所受的教育和面临的现实也许使大多人都已建立了坚固的第一自我,却忽略低估了第二自我。《纽约时报》专栏作家David Brooks 在2014年TED大会中分享《你应为简历而活,还是为悼词而活?》,以下是这个演讲的文字稿,查看原视频可直接拉至文末。

 

我 一直在思考“简历美德”和“悼词美德”的区别。“简历美德”就是指那些写在你简历上的成就、优点,那些给你带来竞争优势的技能。“悼词美德”则是指那些会 在你的追悼词中提到的美德,这类美德也更加深刻:向内心深发问,你是谁?在人际关系中,你是个什么样的人?大胆的?充满爱的?值得信赖的?始终如一的?包 括我自己在内的大多说人会说,“悼词美德”更加重要。但是至少就我的情况而言,悼词美德真的最受我们重视么?答案是否定的。

 

So I’ve been thinking about the difference between the résumé virtues and the eulogy virtues. The résumé virtues are the ones you put on your résumé, which are the skills you bring to the marketplace. The eulogy virtues are the ones that get mentioned in the eulogy, which are deeper: who are you, in your depth, what is the nature of your relationships, are you bold, loving, dependable, consistency? And most of us, including me, would say that the eulogy virtues are the more important of the virtues. But at least in my case, are they the ones that I think about the most? And the answer is no.

 

所以我一直在思考这个问题,有一个思想家 也在帮助我思考,他叫约瑟夫·索罗维奇克,曾是一位犹太法学博士,1965年写下《有信仰的孤独人》一书。索罗维奇克说人性可以分为两面,他把这两面称为 “亚当1号”和“亚当2号”。“亚当1号”是世俗的、雄心勃勃的,是我们外在的一面:他想要去建造,去创造,创造公司,去改变去革新。亚当2号则是我们谦 逊的那一面。亚当2号不仅想做好事,并且想成为好人,他想在内心深处对上帝、世上万物,以及我们的未来怀着虔敬之心。亚当1号想要征服这个世界。亚当2号 想要倾听这个世界的呼唤并且顺从这个世界。亚当1号尽情享受那种成就感,亚当2号则享受内在的一致和力量。亚当1号想知道怎么把事情做起来,亚当2号则关 心我们为什么做这些事。亚当1号的座右铭是“成功”,亚当2号的座右铭是“爱,救赎,回报”。

 

So I’ve been thinking about that problem, and a thinker who has helped me think about it is a guy named Joseph Soloveitchik, who was a rabbi who wrote a book called “The Lonely Man Of Faith” in 1965. Soloveitchik said there are two sides of our natures, which he called Adam I and Adam II. Adam I is the worldly, ambitious, external side of our nature. He wants to build, create, create companies, create innovation. Adam II is the humble side of our nature. Adam II wants not only to do good but to be good, to live in a way internally that honors God, creation and our possibilities. Adam I wants to conquer the world. Adam II wants to hear a calling and obey the world. Adam I savors accomplishment. Adam II savors inner consistency and strength. Adam I asks how things work. Adam II asks why we’re here. Adam I’s motto is “success.” Adam II’s motto is “love, redemption and return.”

 

索罗维奇克还说,这两种人性在相互斗争。 我们对外在成功和对内在价值的两种渴求在不断相互对抗。更有趣的是,我们人性的这两面是依照不同的逻辑运作的。外在逻辑方法是经济学的逻辑方式:投入产出 模式和风险回报模式。我们内在的一面依靠的则是一种道德逻辑,通常还是一种逆向逻辑。你不得不通过付出来得到。你不得不服从外在的一些东西去获得自己内在 的力量。你需要克服你的欲望。为了使自己满足,你需要先忘记你自己。为了找到自我,你需要先失去自我。

 

And Soloveitchik argued that these two sides of our nature are at war with each other. We live in perpetual self-confrontation between the external success and the internal value. And the tricky thing, I’d say, about these two sides of our nature is they work by different logics. The external logic is an economic logic: input leads to output, risk leads to reward. The internal side of our nature is a moral logic and often an inverse logic. You have to give to receive. You have to surrender to something outside yourself to gain strength within yourself. You have to conquer the desire to get what you want. In order to fulfill yourself, you have to forget yourself. In order to find yourself, you have to lose yourself.

 

我们碰巧活在一个支持亚当1号的社会中,并且经常会忽视亚当2号。而问题在于,这样的 社会使你成为一个精明的动物,一个把生活当做游戏的人,并且你会变成一个无情的、爱计较的人,最后堕落为一个庸人,这时你才意识到欲望中的自己和真实的自 己是有区别的。再这样下去,你不会得到那你想有的,你希望别人给予你的悼词。你没有内心深处的信念,你没有丰富的情绪,你没有需要永远去履行的责任、义 务。

 

We happen to live in a society that favors Adam I, and often neglects Adam II. And the problem is, that turns you into a shrewd animal who treats life as a game, and you become a cold, calculating creature who slips into a sort of mediocrity where you realize there’s a difference between your desired self and your actual self. You’re not earning the sort of eulogy you want, you hope someone will give to you. You don’t have the depth of conviction. You don’t have an emotional sonorousness. You don’t have commitment to tasks that would take more than a lifetime to commit.

 

如何建立坚固的亚 当2号,怎样塑造深度人格?我从过去中得到了一个普遍的启示。回首过往,人们可以看到自己的过去,有时候他们看到自己生命中某些珍贵的时刻,例如童年,而 更多的,还会注意到那些让你感到羞耻的瞬间、犯错的时候,例如一些自私的举动,一些欠考虑或肤浅的行为,愤怒的时候,自怜自哀的时候,总是去迎合别人或者 缺乏勇气的时候。 亚当1号是通过积累你的优点来建立的,亚当2号则是通过打败你的弱点来建立的。当你走入自己的内心,你会发现在你的生命中,你一次又一次的被某个弱点打 败,那个导致其他各种错误产生的弱点,你要和那个东西做斗争,去努力克服那个弱点,当你从那些斗争和苦难中重生的时候,你的深度人格就形成了。我们并不经 常被教导去认识自己的弱点、过错,在我们的文化中也很少有关于怎样面对自己的弱点,怎样与它斗争的教导。我们生活在一个有着亚当1号心理的社会中,在这里 我们很难表达亚当2号的思想。

 

I was reminded of a common response through history of how you build a solid Adam II, how you build a depth of character. Through history, people have gone back into their own pasts, sometimes to a precious time in their life, to their childhood, and often, the mind gravitates in the past to a moment of shame, some sin committed, some act of selfishness, an act of omission, of shallowness, the sin of anger, the sin of self-pity, trying to be a people-pleaser, a lack of courage. Adam I is built by building on your strengths. Adam II is built by fighting your weaknesses. You go into yourself, you find the sin which you’ve committed over and again through your life, your signature sin out of which the others emerge, and you fight that sin and you wrestle with that sin, and out of that wrestling, that suffering, then a depth of character is constructed. And we’re often not taught to recognize the sin in ourselves, in that we’re not taught in this culture how to wrestle with it, how to confront it, and how to combat it. We live in a culture with an Adam I mentality where we’re inarticulate about Adam II.

 

最后,莱因霍尔德·尼布尔这样总结了 当力量平等的亚当1号和亚当2号相抗衡的情形:“没有一件值得一做的事情,可以在你的一生中完成;因此我们必须用希望来拯救。没有一样真实或者美丽的东 西,可以在历史的一瞬展现它的华彩;因此我们必须用信仰来救赎。没有一件事情,哪怕它是美好的,我们可以独自完成;因此我们必须用爱来拯救。没有什么善良 的行为是完全的善,不论是从朋友、敌人,或者我们自身的角度都是这样。因此我们必须被完全的爱来拯救,也就是用宽容。”

 

Finally, Reinhold Niebuhr summed up the confrontation, the fully lived Adam I and Adam II life, this way: “Nothing that is worth doing can be achieved in our lifetime; therefore we must be saved by hope. Nothing which is true or beautiful or good makes complete sense in any immediate context of history; therefore we must be saved by faith. Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone; therefore we must be saved by love. No virtuous act is quite as virtuous from the standpoint of our friend or foe as from our own standpoint. Therefore we must be saved by that final form of love, which is forgiveness.”

 

视频:Should you live for your résumé … or your eulogy?

视频链接:http://v.qq.com/boke/page/w/4/x/w0128y94u4x.html#rd

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